(Part 3 of a 4 part series)
IS IT WORTH DYING FOR? A synopsis of Dr. Meyer Friedman’s research into Type A behavior
“The world 'out there' won't change until the world 'in here' does.”
— Deepak Chopra
Constant State of Struggle
What is the Type A doing to their life? They’re living in a constant state of struggle. I know. It was this constant state of struggle which led to my triggering Lupus. I could not work hard or fast enough to get all the things or accomplishments I wanted. I wanted the bigger house, the bigger car, and the better job. I wanted my “stuff.” Have you seen the bumper sticker that says, “He who dies with the most stuff wins?” Wins what? It’s for sure you’re not going to live long enough to enjoy it. It is this constant state of struggle, if not abated, which will lead you to self-destruction. That is where I was headed when I was diagnosed.
The Type A lives in a constant state of struggle because they are externally driven. Who they are, their sense of self-worth is based on what others think of them. We need other people’s approval. It is ingrained in our Western culture...wondering what others think of us. We live in a Type A society that rewards multiphasic behavior and achieving the American Dream. What is the Type A doing to their life? They are killing it. The spirit is exhausted
What is the personality doing to itself? It becomes judgmental. It becomes a perfectionist. It must, no it needs to be right all the time. It needs to make other people wrong. It has to prove itself over and over again. Being right once is never enough. It has to always be right. I’m reminded of a quote and I don’t remember who said it, but when it comes to the Type A personality it is a perspective it can’t grasp. “It is difficult to believe that someone can differ from us and be right.” This personality also can’t even let a child win a game. It’s too competitive to let anyone win. It lives in a competitive world. It lives in a world of scarcity. It feels diminished when others receive praise. The ability to laugh at itself is gone. It’s always looking for love and acceptance. The personality perceives life as a race that is never over. It’s never satisfied. It’s can be very charming and it is capable of killing itself.
Where did the personality go? It got buried. Cultural messages and life experiences buried it. It was buried under a lifetime of “should’s”, “can not’s” and “ought-to’s.” It got buried by being judged. It got buried by others requiring it to be perfect. Somehow it replaced itself with the following traits:
1. Self-awareness
2. Hurried activities
3. Obscenity Talk
4. Competitiveness
5. Irritation when recalling an event
6. Multiphasic Activities
7. Punctual Fetishism
8. Impatience
9. Using numbers too much in speech
10. Losing the use of metaphors in speech
11. Distrusts Altruism
12. Repetition in Speech
13. Personalizes Situations
The Type A personality disparately wants to be accepted for what it is. But, it became what it thought others wanted it to be. It got buried to be that “other” personality. Cary Grant once said to “play your true self is the hardest thing to do.” The Type A personality doesn’t know its’ true self anymore. It can’t be authentic because it may be rejected. It’s a personality which experienced many crises and because of them moved away from its natural self. It’s starved for praise. The “true self” lies dormant.
What are the things that get its’ ire? Injustices. Any infraction of what is right. Incompetence. It gets angry when its expectations are not met. It gets upset when its not recognized for its accomplishments. It blames something else for its’ anger. It gets mad at what it can’t control. Since it can’t control much, it is always angry. It believes that if only others were more like it, it wouldn’t have to be mad anymore.
What is it doing to the body? First of all it suppresses the immune system by reducing white blood cells. Once we thought that the immune system was completely autonomous. Now we know that it is exactly the opposite. It is extremely sensitive to our physical and emotional states. Type A behavior causes the body to chronically live in the “fight or flight” response that is only supposed to be a temporary state. Living in this response state means that cholesterol, pulse rate, and blood pressure are likely to always be elevated.
Dr. Friedman has identified what he calls “bombs” and fuses”. A “bomb” is an old infarction (previous heart attack), occluded coronary arteries (plaque narrowing the coronary arteries) or cardiac denial (denying the existence or occurrence of coronary heart disease). A “bomb “ is a physical situation involving the heart. We may or may not be aware of this physical limitation of the heart. “Fuses” are behaviors or incidents that can activate or set off the “bomb”. Fuses can be such things as:
1. An Anger/Irritation/Aggression/Impatience (an AIAI attack)
2. Excessive Altitude: 3000 feet and above
3. Excessive Exertion
4. One Heavy, Fat Meal (I once saw a Piraro cartoon which had several people sitting at a restaurant table ready to give their order to the waiter and one person said “I’ll have the ‘Huge Wad of Coronary-causing Beef Stuffed Into Your Aorta Till Your Heart Stops’ plate.”
5. Mental Exhaustion
6. Excessive Caffeine
7. Excessive Alcohol
8. Extreme Cold
A “bomb” plus a “fuse” will equal sudden death or another infarction. For example, someone who may have occluded coronary arteries may one day go skiing at a high elevation and experience extreme cold. Have you heard of someone having a heart attack on a ski lift? I know I have. The “bomb” was already there, developed over many years and then all it needed was to come in contact with a “fuse”. Think about the people you may have known who had a heart attack. Did the individual experience an incident like one of the above near the time of the attack?
Self-Destruction Is Not Inevitable
There is a Zen proverb that says, “Get rid of the self and act from the Self.” One of my most difficult experiences in the Dr. Meyer Friedman Institute was realizing that I had to let go of the personality traits I thought had served me so well. At least they served me until I got sick. When I began to change my behavior to emulate Type B responses, I experienced a loss of self. It is a frightening experience to lose a sense of self. It can be devastating to realize that who you thought you were wasn’t working for you any longer. Then who was I? If I didn’t walk fast and show the world I was busy and important, then what did I do? If I witnessed mistakes and injustices, how do I not judge? I felt like I was losing myself. If I didn’t have these thoughts and behaviors, will I still be Jill? I didn’t know who I was anymore, other then the person I had created. But, if that’s who I was then I was killing myself.
Dr. Friedman started the Institute because he deeply believes that self-destruction is not inevitable. With education, training and some basic tools a Type A personality can modify their behavior. He says, “a Type A will always be a Type A, but they must learn to react as a Type B.” What is a Type B personality and how do they react? The Type B Individual often reacts with understanding, compassion and forgiveness.
In Treating Type A Behavior and Your Heart, Dr. Friedman states, “the Type B person has learned to value and enjoy himself as much or more for what he has done or experienced as for what he may accomplish in the future.” Type B’s often do satisfying things. Type B’s have a good self-concept. It’s because of their sense of self worth that they don’t need to take control of their environment. The speed in which tasks are accomplished is less of an issue. Type B individuals do not harbor free-floating hostility or time urgency. Their lives exemplify “ASAS” behavior. “ASAS” is the antithesis of “AIAI.” “ASAS” means Acceptance, Self-Esteem, Affection and Serenity. There are three basic tools which modify Type A behavior: 1) Developing a monitor, 2) Practicing drills and, 3) Relaxation.
Part 4 - Developing a Monitor and Practicing Life-Saving Drills
