Do I Have An “Effective” and Healthy Life?

By Jill Cody

Part 3 of a 7 part Series

Do I Have An “Effective” and Healthy Life?: A synopsis of Dr. Stephen R. Covey’s  principles as they relate to improving health

"The most wonderful thing in the world is somebody who knows who they are and knows where they're going and knows what they were created to do." — Bishop T.D. Jakes

Habit 2 - Begin With The End In Mind  

What Dr. Covey means by this is actually think about the end of your life.  I know we really don’t want to do this.  It’s morbid.

We spend our lifetime avoiding the idea.  Maybe that's the reason why we spend a lifetime floundering.  Maybe that's the reason we fill up our lives with meaningless trivia such as television or surfing the net for hours.  He wants you to think about what your family and friends would say about you at your memorial service. What do you want to have accomplished on this earth? What is the legacy you want to leave behind?  My goal is to share my experiences.  If I can save one person from triggering a disease as I did, I feel all my efforts would have been well spent.  What is yours? How will you make the world a better place?

How do you start to identify this staggering goal for yourself and then bring it down to an everyday level?  You write a personal mission statement.  Think about it.  Do you have a mission statement for the company or organization you work with?  Do you have a mission statement for your work section or unit?  Do you have a personal mission statement?  And if you do have a personal mission statement, do you review it regularly? 

The path to a balanced and healthy life is initiating a process of self-discovery.  Yes, its work, its hard work, and its work that has amazing results.  Writing a mission statement eliminates emptiness and sets direction by assisting you in identifying your unique meaning and mission in life.  A lack of direction or emptiness leads to imbalance.  Imbalance leads to dis-ease.  Dis-ease leads to illness.

Balance is an operative word in this discussion.  Obviously you don’t want to become so focused into the future that you miss the present. Ursula K. LeGuin said, “It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”

How will a mission statement and thinking about your memorial service help you to identify which path you want to choose and create for yourself?   How does this habit apply to improving your health?  Achieving excellent health first requires knowing what being healthy looks like. 

Visualize what you want to change about your health.  Visualize the person you want to be.  Begin with the end in mind. For me, I imagined a person with strong, flexible muscles. I then signed up with the YMCA (Habit 1).  I imagined someone with no joint pain.  I rested.  I imagined someone with enormous amounts of energy.  I rested some more. I didn’t want to limit my thinking to what I could imagine a healthy body would look like.  I took classes to expand my ideas. 

Results didn’t happen over night. Remember there are no quick fixes.  There was a large degree of faith that what I was doing would eventually pay off.  On the other hand, I knew what I was doing couldn’t hurt me and that it could only help.  I had to have patience.

So get Dr. Covey’s book and start writing a mission statement. The Franklin Covey Company even has an online mission statement builder. You may find it at: www.franklincovey.com/msb/

Start identifying your roles in life.  There are many.  Mother. Father.  Son.  Daughter.  Friend.  Employee.  Supervisor.  But, there is one that I want you to be sure to add and that is “Self.” Many of us are so orientated to serving others at home or at work that we forget about ourselves.  Isn’t that how we don’t find time to exercise?  How on earth are you going to improve your health or prevent illness if you don’t spend some time on yourself?  Erich Fromm said, “Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself.”

Do I Have An "Effective" and Healthy Life?

by Jill Cody

  
Part 2 of a 7 Part Series

Do I Have An “Effective” and Healthy Life?: A synopsis of Dr. Stephen R. Covey’s  principles as they relate to improving health

                                                     "Happiness is not something ready made... 
                                                 It comes from your own actions." -- Dalai Lama

Health Is Found In The Balance:

When I became ill, unbeknownst to me, my life was totally out of balance.  I actually didn’t give the concept of “balance” much thought.  That’s what I call being on autopilot.  I would work hard and achieve more to be able to own more stuff.  Have you ever seen the bumper sticker which says “he who has the most stuff when he dies wins?”   This was the competition I was in.  Who was I competing against?  I hadn't the foggiest idea.  It was just what I thought I should be doing.  Autopilot.

One of the fundamental principles in the Seven Habits  program is “Production” and “Production Capability.”  This means that what you want to produce must be in balance with what you are capable of producing.  This concept is fairly easy to grasp when we talk about a machine.  Machines, such as an automobile, must be maintained on a regular basis (production capability) or it won’t continue running (production).  Its also easily understood when relating the concept to financial assets.  Your checking account must have the funds to make a purchase (production capability) before you can complete the purchase (production).

However, when we relate this principle to ourselves, for some reason we think we can produce forever without any cost to us.  Or at least that is what I thought and I don’t think I’m alone in this behavior.  If you feel like there is not enough time to get everything done then your Production/ Production Capability is out of balance.  Disease is hidden in that imbalance.

To start we must look at all that we are doing and not just the action, but the emotions behind the actions.  Today, I feel quite busy yet I’m not fatigued anymore.  By being present in each moment we are able to bring balance to each moment.  We can choose how each moment is spent.  Will it be spent with stress, frustration or anger?  Or will we choose to face each situation in the best light?  

Dr. Covey talks about our freedom that separates us from all other creatures on earth, our freedom of choice.  We possess the ability to choose our reaction to any, and I mean any, given situation.  That is if we are present in the moment and not living on autopilot.  Reactive people, those on autopilot, can not see this freedom.  They have handed it over to their emotions.  Do you think the person who has been diagnosed with a disease and is living in dependency can see that they can choose their reaction to their situation?  Probably not.  They are living from their emotions not from their ability to choose their response.  Health is found in the response.  The response is found in the moment.

Habit 1 - Be Proactive

I think one concept which is integral to good health is Dr. Covey’s concept of “Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Influence.” Think of two circles one smaller and inside the other.  The larger circle represents your Circle of Concern.  The space inside the smaller circle is your Circle of Influence.  Now, follow me on this one.  Most of us are focused on our concerns.  We want a better job.  We want financial security.  We want good health.  We don’t like what’s happening politically.  There is not enough help at work.  Your teenager gets on your nerves.  When we live in our Circle of Concern we feel helpless, trapped, and frustrated.  Some of us live our entire lives focused on what concerns us.  I am convinced that this is where disease gets its start.  Remember the word “disease” comes from dis-ease.  Being overly wrapped up in our concerns, creates constant dis-ease.  This focus eventually creates imbalance in our mind and body.

Now, lets change our perspective.  Let’s make a paradigm shift. Being able to challenge the paradigms of the world we live in is fabulously important to learning new things about ourselves.  Let’s shift our view to focusing on what we can influence, what we have direct control over regarding our concerns.  This is being proactive.  You want a better job.  Well, what is it that you can specifically do to cause this to happen?  Can you take a look at your current job to see what might be done to improve it?  Repair a relationship?  Analyze a procedure that has been giving you a headache and correct it?  You want financial security.  How much  of your pay check do you put in the savings account each month? Can you redefine what financial security means to you? You want good health.  Do you exercise faithfully?  Do you put exercise time in your appointment book like all the other appointments? Have you bought a low-fat cookbook and learned a few new recipes? You don’t like what’s happening politically.  Do you vote?  Do you write your elected officials?   

I think you get the point.  What can you do today to “influence” a change?  Focusing on your “Circle of Influence” creates an action plan; a sense of control.  Focusing on your “Circle of Concern” creates no plan and leaves you feeling powerless.

Being proactive is subtle and amazingly powerful.  As soon as you change your focus to what you can influence in your life, balance returns; enjoyment returns; better health returns.  Your paradigm shifts from being trapped and out of control to one of choice and fulfillment.  Now, the Circle of Concern is not called the Circle of I-Don’t-Care.  

Of course, you are concerned about the issues that face you.  You need to know what they are to determine what you can influence about them.  The difference is that you are not primarily focused on your concerns anymore, you are focused on what you can do about them instead.  Your life is focused on what you can control, not what you can not control.

Part 2 of a 7 Part Series

Do I Have An “Effective” and Healthy Life?

by Jill Cody

Part 1 of a 7 Part Series

Do I Have An “Effective” and Healthy Life?: A synopsis of Dr. Stephen R. Covey’s  principles as they relate to improving health

“The best way to predict the future

is to create it.” - Dr. Stephen R. Covey

“We see the world as we are, not as it is”, Dr. Covey said.  Dr. Covey is the author of the New York Times bestseller Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.  In this series I am going to relate Dr. Covey’s concepts which I think best foster good health.

For our bicentennial, Dr. Covey researched our country’s 200 years of ethic literature.  For the first 150 years of our history, the ethic literature reflected qualities such as honesty, integrity, patience, kindness and other good character traits.  Then, more then 50 years ago, something happened.  The ethic literature started to reflect the value of personality traits over character traits such as charm, public image and attitude.  Not, there is nothing wrong with these traits.  It’s just that when they are the primary ones developed and character trait development is neglected, disharmony with life and uncertainty takes hold.  There is no grounding stability to our lives.

Dr. Covey used an analogy of an iceberg.  The top of the iceberg, which can be seen, is your personality.  The part of the iceberg you don’t see, the far greater part of you, is your character.  He said our society has placed too much emphasis on the value of personality traits. Doesn’t this ring true to you?  It did to me. I see it reflected in our worshiping of athletes, movie stars and those who are rich.

Not too long after my diagnosis with Lupus, I was fortunate enough to take a 28-hour training workshop based on Dr. Covey’s book.  If you ever have the opportunity to take this course, I encourage you to do so.  It is not "flavor-of-the-month" material. Taking this workshop was key to my journey towards better health.  This series will share with you some of the principles I learned which helped me tremendously in identifying some unhealthy habits.

 “You can’t talk yourself out of something you have behaved yourself into.”  These words spoken by Dr. Covey truly hit the mark for me.  I can see now how it was my behavior that led to my poor health.  I can now hear some of you saying, “What is she trying to say?  That I’m to blame for my illness?”  Well, yes and no.  It’s complicated.  Let me explain by using myself as an example.  

I was working hard, raising a family and not really feeling I had enough time to get everything done.  I was stressed out.  I was doing the best I could with the knowledge and understanding I had at the time.  I thought I was doing everything right.  I had a good job.  I had a nice house.  I had a dependable husband and delightful son.  I was going up the career ladder.  I was living the American Dream, or so I thought.  

At least I had the outward signs of it.  Inside, it was the American “Nightmare.” I was tired.  I was struggling to get everything done.  I created work for myself, but didn’t realize it.  I didn’t have time for friends nor much time for my family.  And, on top of all that, youth left me.  My body could not keep up the pace and strain. Lupus was triggered.  Now what do you think?  Was it my fault that Lupus was triggered?  Well, yes and no.  It’s not my fault that I had the genetic predisposition for Lupus, but I definitely played a significant role in its being triggered.

Key to your ability to get well or prevent illness is the capacity to take a hard look at yourself.  It is not laying blame.  It is seeing your world as it is, not as you think it should be.  The good news is, if you behaved yourself into a problem then maybe you can behave yourself out of it.  That's the first major lesson I learned from the Seven Habits training.  I could literally exert some control and not be a victim of my circumstances.

The Seven Habits  program is comprised of fundamental principles for each of the seven habits.  I will review how I relate Dr. Covey’s concepts to health and wellness.

FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES

Creating maturity for health:

Dr. Covey diagramed his program and called it the “Maturity Continuum.”  It includes each habit and three levels of maturity: dependence, independence and interdependence.  When looked at in chronological order it is obvious what stages of life are being identified.  When we are a child we are dependent on those around us for survival.  When we are an adolescent we develop independence and begin to differentiate ourselves from others.  If we are fortunate, we develop to a level, where we understand we need others to be happy and succeed in life by reaching the interdependent stage.

I look at this continuum in another way as well.  When someone is feeling sick and says things like “What did I do to deserve this”? Or says things like “I’m a good person.  Why did I get sick?”  “I don’t deserve this.”  It is the victim stage of illness.  It is the collapsing on the bedroom floor stage.  Do you think they have the ability yet to look hard into themselves and take responsibility?  Probably not.  They want to be taken care of and have others concur with their complaints and do things for them. They are in the “dependent” stage of their illness.

Moving to the next stage of independence is one I know very well. When I first became ill I thought I could take care of it.  I didn’t think I needed anyone.  I’m college educated.  I can think and plan my way out of this mess.  I didn’t tell my mother I had Lupus for three years.  I didn’t really have a heart-to-heart conversation with my husband and son.  You see, I could handle anything alone. You get the picture.

It was only when I became sick and tired of being sick and tired that I grudgingly moved into the interdependent stage.  I realized I needed help.  I sought out the Lupus Foundation and began to read.  I told people close to me at work so that they could help me when I needed to rest.  I sat down with my husband and son and communicated at a more honest level and asked for their help.  I told my mother.

It was only then, when I entered the interdependent stage, that I started on the road to getting well.  What is it that’s in our nature which makes it hard to ask for help?  I know I didn’t want to ask at all, that’s why I was stuck in the independent phase for so long.  Now that I’ve moved passed that mental barrier, I find that people are glad to help.  They like being needed.  They like being opened up to and I like being able to talk about it and not carry the burden alone.  It was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Part 1 of a 7 Part Series