Part 1 of a 7 Part Series
Do I Have An “Effective” and Healthy Life?: A synopsis
of Dr. Stephen R. Covey’s principles as they relate to improving health
“The
best way to predict the future
is to
create it.” - Dr. Stephen R. Covey
“We see the world as we are, not as it is”, Dr. Covey said. Dr. Covey is the
author of the New York Times bestseller Seven Habits of Highly Successful People. In this series I am going to relate Dr.
Covey’s concepts which I
think best foster good health.
For our
bicentennial, Dr. Covey researched our country’s 200 years of ethic literature. For
the first 150 years of our history, the ethic literature reflected qualities
such as honesty, integrity, patience, kindness and other good character traits. Then, more then 50 years ago, something happened. The ethic literature started to reflect the
value of personality traits over character traits such as charm, public image
and attitude. Not, there is nothing
wrong with these traits. It’s just that when
they are the primary ones developed and character trait development is
neglected, disharmony with life and uncertainty takes hold. There is no grounding stability to our lives.
Dr. Covey used an
analogy of an iceberg. The top of the
iceberg, which can be seen, is your personality. The part of the iceberg you don’t see, the far
greater part of you, is your character.
He said our society has placed too much emphasis on the value of
personality traits. Doesn’t this ring true to you? It did to me. I see it reflected in our
worshiping of athletes, movie stars and those who are rich.
Not too long after
my diagnosis with Lupus, I was fortunate enough to take a 28-hour training
workshop based on Dr. Covey’s book. If you ever have the opportunity to take this
course, I encourage you to do so. It is not "flavor-of-the-month" material. Taking
this workshop was key to my journey towards better health. This series will share with you some of the
principles I learned which helped me tremendously in identifying some unhealthy
habits.
“You can’t talk yourself out of something you have behaved yourself into.” These words spoken by Dr. Covey
truly hit the mark for me. I can see now
how it was my behavior that led to my poor health. I can now hear some of you saying, “What is she trying
to say? That I’m to blame for my illness?” Well, yes and no. It’s complicated. Let me explain by
using myself as an example.
I was
working hard, raising a family and not really feeling I had enough time to get
everything done. I was stressed
out. I was doing the best I could with
the knowledge and understanding I had at the time. I thought I was doing everything right. I had a good job. I had a nice house. I had a dependable husband and delightful
son. I was going up the career ladder. I was living the American Dream, or so I
thought.
At least I had the outward
signs of it. Inside, it was the American
“Nightmare.” I was tired. I was struggling to get everything done. I created work for myself, but didn’t realize it. I didn’t have time for friends nor much time for my family. And, on top of all that, youth left me. My body could not keep up the pace and
strain. Lupus was triggered. Now what do
you think? Was it my fault that Lupus
was triggered? Well, yes and no. It’s not my fault that I had the genetic predisposition for Lupus, but I
definitely played a significant role in its being triggered.
Key to your ability
to get well or prevent illness is the capacity to take a hard look at
yourself. It is not laying blame. It is seeing your world as it is, not
as you think it should be. The
good news is, if you behaved yourself into a problem then maybe you can behave
yourself out of it. That's the first
major lesson I learned from the Seven Habits training. I could literally exert
some control and not be a victim of my circumstances.
The Seven Habits program is comprised of fundamental principles
for each of the seven habits. I will
review how I relate Dr. Covey’s concepts to health
and wellness.
FUNDAMENTAL
PRINCIPLES
Creating
maturity for health:
Dr. Covey diagramed
his program and called it the “Maturity Continuum.” It includes each habit and three levels of
maturity: dependence, independence and interdependence. When looked at in chronological order it is
obvious what stages of life are being identified. When we are a child we are dependent on those
around us for survival. When we are an
adolescent we develop independence and begin to differentiate ourselves from
others. If we are fortunate, we develop
to a level, where we understand we need others to be happy and succeed in life
by reaching the interdependent stage.
I look at this
continuum in another way as well. When
someone is feeling sick and says things like “What did I do to deserve this”? Or says things
like “I’m a good
person. Why did I get sick?” “I don’t deserve this.” It is the victim stage of illness. It is the collapsing on the bedroom floor
stage. Do you think they have the
ability yet to look hard into themselves and take responsibility? Probably not.
They want to be taken care of and have others concur with their
complaints and do things for them. They are in the “dependent” stage of their
illness.
Moving to the next
stage of independence is one I know very well. When I first became ill I
thought I could take care of it. I didn’t think I needed
anyone. I’m college educated. I can think and
plan my way out of this mess. I didn’t tell my mother I
had Lupus for three years. I didn’t really have a
heart-to-heart conversation with my husband and son. You see, I could handle anything alone. You
get the picture.
It was only when I
became sick and tired of being sick and tired that I grudgingly moved into the
interdependent stage. I realized I
needed help. I sought out the Lupus
Foundation and began to read. I told
people close to me at work so that they could help me when I needed to
rest. I sat down with my husband and son
and communicated at a more honest level and asked for their help. I told my mother.
It was only then,
when I entered the interdependent stage, that I started on the road to getting
well. What is it that’s in our nature
which makes it hard to ask for help? I
know I didn’t want to ask at
all, that’s why I was stuck in
the independent phase for so long. Now
that I’ve moved passed that
mental barrier, I find that people are glad to help. They like being needed. They like being opened up to and I like being
able to talk about it and not carry the burden alone. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
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