Life as a Transformative Learning Process

 by Pettis Perry

Transformation as a Natural Life Occurrence 

Over the course of our lifetimes transformation is going to occur in one of two ways. It is going to occur with us as active and intentional agents of transformation. Or, it is going to occur with us as passive participants going along for the ride. In either case, it is going to happen. With odds such as these it makes logical sense to be an active agent of transformation by acting with intention to manifest what we want in our Life journeys.

Developing a foundational understanding of how transformative processes result can go along way towards reducing the stress that naturally occurs when we feel as though our individual worlds are falling apart at the hands of the traumatic events we encounter as Life simply happens. This fact became blatantly important to me as I learned to confront my own demons. My own experiences taught me that the more I understood transformative processes the more coping skills I developed to work through the very traumatic experiences I encountered in my own Life. In the process one thing that emerged as an absolute certainty was that the foundational understanding of transformative processes literally became my tipping point to stop the dread and to begin turning my life around to create what I have now. What I learned has also enabled me to create new frames of reference for the ongoing  traumatic events occurring in my own Life.

Paolo Friere (1921-1997)

I first became aware of transformative processes during the 1970s while working on my undergraduate studies. That is when I was introduced to Paolo Freire through his work The Pedagogy of the Oppressed. Paulo Freire (1921-1997) was a Brazilian educator interested in why some children who were raised in the poorest of neighborhoods succeeded while others did not. He used the term contientization (". . .developing consciousness. . .that is understood to have the power to transform reality. . ." Taylor, 1993 as cited in Infed) to explain the critical consciousness awakening processes. He believed that learning comes from the lived experiences of people creating an emerging critical consciousness that shapes what become new paradigms to explain how our individual realities of the world work. This process of Becoming and forming critical consciousness produces the need to take control of  changing our living conditions and therefore prompting us to take action. 

Jack Mezirow (1991) and other psychologists expanded upon Freire's critical consciousness work to identify 9 phases of transformation. According to Mezirow (1991) transformation occurs through 9 phases initiated by what he called a disorienting dilemma which could be anything that knocked us off balance. A disorienting dilemma could result from the birth of a child, the death of someone close to us, the loss or gain of a special friendship, job loss or gain, undergoing training or education, receiving personal or professional feedback, or some other significant experience that impacts us deeply enough to shake us up through its significant meaning.

Once we become disoriented, as biological creatures our bodies want to regain and maintain homeostasis (its equilibrium).  Therefore, every time something comes into our lives to upset our equilibrium we struggle to regain our balance by exploring the meaning of the disorienting dilemma through our own unique ways of processing information and experiences. How well we are able to manage our disorienting dilemmas and how quickly we are able to regain our equilibrium is a function of the severity of the disorienting event and our capacity to psychologically and physically cope with the event. The better shape we are in psychologically (including socially, emotionally, and spiritually) and physically the better we are able to cope with the  disorienting events we are sure to encounter along our life paths.   

The Phases of Transformation
  
Phase 1 -- Self-examination

The disorienting dilemma triggers our emotions including grief, anger, self-doubt, fear, etc. We can choose to attempt to suppress those feelings or to confront them. When we opt to suppress our feelings we place ourselves in a position of having those feelings continue to surface throughout the course of our lives until we finally confront them and try to mitigate their impacts. 

Therefore, realistically speaking, childhood traumas that are left unresolved can continuously resurface well into the later stages of life causing substantial and prolonged pain and suffering (often resulting in acts of self-sabotage) until they become resolved. In extreme cases the traumas can contribute to significant physical and mental health problems. 

As an example, when we covet being a parent then we are likely going to see becoming a parent as the change we want to make and as a wonderful opportunity filled with loving commitments to be fulfilled by the experience. Any disorientation under these circumstances are, generally speaking, met with joy and expectation. 

On the other hand, when we do not want to become a parent, but nonetheless find ourselves in a position of becoming a parent, then we are likely going to find dread when considering the prospects of parenting. In either case, learning to become a parent will be a disorienting dilemma for most people because of the stress produced by becoming and being a parent. 

Phase 2 -- Critical Self-assessment

The difference can be seen for the parent who wants to be a parent with the disorienting dilemma presenting itself as an exciting opportunity for a wonderful new future with lots to learn. Parents who do not want to become  parents could find themselves feeling absolute dread with the thought of becoming parents. This dread can produce one or more disorienting dilemmas (e.g., having responsibility for someone else when you are not psychologically prepared or motivated to do so) and thereby producing sources of severe conflict such as feelings of being trapped by the new responsibility that you do not want.

As we move from suppressing our feelings towards increasing the desire for self-examination we move towards freeing ourselves from the demons that hold us back through acts of self-sabotage. For example, becoming a parent changes our views of the world in extraordinary ways e.g., moving from selfishness to selflessness, balancing between home-work life issues, and moving children from discipline to self-discipline, etc.

(2011) The Hockey Center, Powassan, ON

At the point of self-examination we choose how we intend to respond to the dilemma. Was the dilemma created by some truly random event? If it appears that it was a truly random event, then we have to accept the event as a natural consequence of living. 

However, even when events appear to be purely random, they might very well not be as they appear. For example, if we track the story of the decisions that caused the dilemmas to occur in our lives we might very well find that a series of moment-to-moment decisions placed us in the position that produced the dilemma.

For example, when I was in junior high school I was hit by a car in front of my house. I was struck broadside by the vehicle with sufficient force at the point of impact to knock me into the air to produce a landing some 75 feet from the vehicle. When I regained consciousness I was screaming at the top of my lungs trying to get my mother's attention because she was inside our home and did not see what happened. 

As my awareness came back I saw that my head was a few inches from the concrete curb lining our property. Had I hit the curb with my head, it likely would have killed me. When I looked back at my bike, I saw that it was pinned at a 45 degree angle under the front bumper of the vehicle. I knew had I not had the presence of mind to kick my leg closest to the vehicle into the air above the height of the handle bars, I would have been pinned between my bicycle and the bumper which also likely would have killed me. Luckily, I survived the incident with scrapes and a badly bruised butt which apparently absorbed the bulk of the impact--I must have literally been thrown off my bicycle in the exact position in which I was sitting.

This incident produced a framework for a disorienting dilemma for me to resolve. I blamed the women who hit me for not seeing me because she was not looking where she was driving. She never saw me until I screamed "LADY!" just before she hit me. She did not react in enough time to break the momentum of her vehicle which struck me at about 30 mph. The dilemma emerged because, although my mom never yelled at me, she let me know her displeasure by saying "If you had eaten the dinner I prepared for you, rather than wanting to go to the store to get something else to eat, you never would have been hit by that car." Unwittingly (or not), she planted a seed that would not germinate until several decades later as I was looking back on my Life in my efforts to resolve my feelings about the major events in my Life. 

This was an exceptionally powerful teaching moment. My mother was right: Had I not made the decision to go to the store I would not have placed myself in a position to be hit by the car. As I have gotten older my lessons have provided 20-20 hindsight for me to track my acts of self-sabotage and general decision-making patterns to many of my major Life dilemmas. I have since learned that I have greater control over both the positive and negative things occurring in my Life than I had previously understood. 

Phase 3 -- Recognize that Discontent and Transformation are Linked 

In addition to learning about my own mortality at a very young age, my accident taught me many years later that each decision we make on a moment-to-moment basis conspires to produce the major events in our lives. While in college I held enough experiences to begin understanding how my ongoing decisions were connected to the outcomes manifesting in my Life. My decision to study social sciences (the various studies of human behavior) proved to be fortuitous providing lots of opportunities for me to explore my own behavior and to learn that my own evolution was going to require a lifetime of serious study.  

(2011) The Traveler, Vancouver Airport, B.C.

During one of my darkest nights of the soul my mentor taught me that I was precisely where I needed to be at that particular moment. At first, I did not understand what she was telling me. She was telling me to embrace the pain and suffering as my teacher at a moment when I wanted to run from it. What she helped me to learn was that precisely because I was disoriented I was in a position to transform my Self into something more magnificent. My dilemma was in fact my teacher, and it was teaching me about transformation and living with intention (see our December 12, 2011 Life blog Living With Intention).

Phase 4 -- Explore Options

A basic manufacturing axiom is that form follows function which means that we have to understand a thing's function before we can design it. Asking, what part of the problem am I? Why is this happening? How did this happen?  What is the true magnitude of the problem? are all good questions to ask in order to frame the scope of the problem. Once we frame the problem we can exert energy to resolve it by exploring our options. The caution here is to identify problems and not simply their symptoms. For example, continuous anger (symptom) might be the result of being put down or abused as a child; an unhappy marriage (symptom) might be the result of the marriage having served its purpose; and not finding the job you want (symptom) might be the result of  working in the wrong type of work preventing you from following your true Life path--the purpose you were born to serve. 

During this phase, feelings of  guilt might erupt because we did something to self-sabotage, we were fired, failed to resolve unfinished business with someone who has now passed away eliminating opportunities for obtaining closure, or any number of other events that throw us off balance.What is absolutely important here is to search our inner most Self  to seek what truly makes us happy.

The purpose here is to maximize our creative capacities to identify as many options as possible. The trick is to do this without convincing ourselves beforehand that it is impossible to achieve one or more of the things we have on our list.  

Proactive engagement with disorienting dilemmas changes problems into opportunities. As we begin to change our frame of reference from problem to opportunity we are then able to more freely explore our options to create new ways of Being. Identifying our options serves as a prerequisite to transforming a disorienting dilemma into a new plan of action that will lead to a new way of Life.

Phase 5 -- Plan a Course of Action

(2011) Steve Powers, Bellingham, WA

Once we have identified where we are and where we want to go we can identify the gaps between the two points and then create a plan of action outlining how we intend to get from point A to point B. Making the journey between the two points offers opportunities to acquire new knowledge in preparation of completing the transformative process.

Getting from one place to another requires at least some level of planning. Just as we develop shopping lists, use GPS or MapQuest, and plan our days in any number of ways, we have to create the plan and then work the plan. 

When a disorienting dilemma is confronting deeply held beliefs and emotions the impact can be exceptionally traumatic for even the strongest of personality types, buckling the knees of even the strongest of  people. At this point we have a couple of choices: We can plan to confront our deepest held fears, we can try to live in denial that they exist, we can deny that we had anything to do with creating them, or  we can convince ourselves that they resulted by someone else's hand. Living in denial will result in the recurrence of similar events forcing us to confront them repeatedly until we resolve them and get them behind us. Therefore, as adults, accepting ownership for our Life events, living with intentionality to manifest what we want, and planning a way out of our dilemmas is proactive rather than reactive making the act an intentional act of transformation.

Phase 6 -- Acquire New Knowledge

The more proactive approach is to learn how to work through the emotional pain enabling us to move towards a Life free of our troublesome burdens. Thanks to one of my colleagues and mentors Dr. Suzy Ross, I have come to know this process as riding the dragon to confront my demons.

(2011) Cabo San Lucas

By confronting our demons we are forced to resolve them through deep reflection and ultimately forgiveness of Self and others. For example, a person reconciling many years of abuse may find themselves having to forgive their own responses to the abuse or other persons involved with committing the abuse. A person who has been a survivor of such abuse has to also resolve residual anger and even embarrassment from whatever events they encountered.  

Learning to truly understand the dynamics of our situations requires acquiring new knowledge for us to see our worlds differently. We can obtain that knowledge by engaging experts in discussions, reading books, taking courses, engaging training programs, etc. Nonetheless, what we have to come to know is that whatever we were doing beforehand simply wasn't working and needed to change by acquiring  new knowledge, skills, and abilities.

Phase 7 -- Explore New Roles

By acquiring new knowledge and learning new ways of Being we are able to try on new roles and develop new competencies. As a result, we might take on a new and challenging position, take on some hidden fear with the intention of overcoming it, or find ourselves thrown into a situation which requires a baptism by fire.

Each new experience provides opportunities for us to practice what we are learning. By exploring new roles we can test our new knowledge and skills as we develop new abilities through practice. As we deploy our new behaviors we can watch to see how well they fit with what we want to create for ourselves. It is literally like trying on several suits of new clothes before buying the one you most like. If you don't like what you see you simply try a new role.

In my own case, while fully engaged in my own dark night of the soul I decided to make a major shift in the role I played at work. I went from being "the employee voice" and defacto leader of the department to being a silent participant. My changing the way that I behaved (without saying anything to anyone) changed the way that others in the department behaved. What I learned from this test was that I could reduce my own energy output and still achieve my same objectives--change in our department--because others picked up the slack. The other thing I learned is that we never left a meeting without me being asked what I thought about the discussions. This opening allowed me the advantage of having listened to all of the input before offering my own. This change took me out of the spotlight and therefore I was no longer a target in my department because I was no longer the sole bearer of all of the bad news. More importantly, my shift facilitated leadership practices being expressed through my colleagues: They grew to take on the challenges making them more self-sufficient. This was a valuable Life lesson--the more you do, the more others will let you do.

(2011) Shogun, Buffalo, NY

Phase 8 -- Build Competencies and Self-confidence

Part of the learning process is practicing what we have learned as we take on new ways of Being. Learning and practicing new competencies provides new potential skills and abilities. A couple of easy examples to illustrate this point is when I was in the Navy learning to fold clothes the Navy way and then later working as a custodian. Although I learned to fold clothes as a youngster, the Navy taught me a much more efficent and spacing saving method which carries over today. Additionally, during the early years of my career part of my work responsibilities was that of custodian. The two skills sets came in handy throughout the rest of my career as an executive leader with facilities and maintenance responsibilities.

We use trial and error to identify and then practice the most comfortable new roles to assume during this stage of evolving to become a transformed and more enlightened Being (more informed). As we become more certain about our new way of Being we have to continue increasing our competencies in key areas in order to increase our Self capacity to support this new way of Being and to place ourselves in a position to maximize future opportunities we cannot yet see e.g., working on my Masters degree made it possible for me to take advantage of an emerging opportunity to continue my education in order to get my doctorate. Little did I know it at the time that three years later I would  find myself teaching full time at a large College where I would meet someone who would become my spiritual teacher during one of the most dark nights of my Life. Now, twelve years farther down my path I have the best job in the world teaching for a university that allows me to live almost anywhere in the world.

The point here is that I never intended to get my doctorate until the idea emerged at the suggestion of one of my teachers in my Masters degree program. I was perfectly contented with my work and Life at the time and making some sort of a career change was nothing more than a passing thought. 

The single most important lesson from my Life training course, described above, has been that we never know what wonderful things might emerge along our journey but we have to be prepared to take advantage of them when they do occur. Opportunities manifest frequently, but they are fleeting. We have to learn to recognize them and when the door opens  to be prepared to walk through it; and through preparation we will have the confidence to take the next step that could literally change our lives in wonderful ways. 

In my case, the college job opportunity would never have been made available to me had I not had my doctorate and, therefore, my life would be very different today. With 20-20 hindsight I can now see that everything that has occurred in my life has led me to this precise moment with an ability to write this blog.

By approaching disorienting dilemmas with intentionality to learn from the experiences offers us growth opportunities because they become viewed as part of nature's way of illuminating our imperfections, so that we can learn from them. In this way, stumbling blocks literally become stepping stones.

Phase 9 -- Integrate the New Perspective As Part of a New Way of Being 

Over time we become a newly transformed Being because we have acquired new information, fully integrated new coping skills, created new ways of viewing our lived experiences, and absorbed new experiences into a more fully evolved (enlightened) Self  who is then more capable to manage through the next disorienting dilemma we encounter.  In the process, we also transform the ways in which we live on a day-to-day basis enriching the overall Life experience from moment-to-moment.

(2011) Jacquie Perello, Cabo San Lucas

To live a more enriched and meaningful life we have to reconcile the fact that there is nothing in our way but ourselves. Therefore, when we get out of our own way all sorts of miraculous things begin to happen. It is so simple yet we make it so difficult. Our very happiness is only a frame of reference away from any present thought. By changing how we view what happens to us as a natural occurrence of Life events then we are able to accept that transformation is a Natural Life occurrence to be embraced. Once we embrace transformation as a natural Life occurrence then we are able to capture its essence and actively use it for our own purposes to create a meaningful Life for ourselves. 

In the end, the choice is ours to do with Life what we will--good, bad, or indifferent--we own it whether or not we like it. To that end, I don't know about you, but in my case, I'm aiming for the farthest edge of the Universe.

Namaste, fellow traveler! 

 References

Acknowledgement: Paolo Freire retrieved December 16, 2001 from http://www.google.com/search?q=paolo+friere+pictures&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=fZM&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&prmd=imvnso&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=zMTrTpL2KKiSiQKJgKnMBA&ved=0CCQQsAQ&biw=1138&bih=512 

infed. http://www.infed.org/thinkers/et-freir.htm   

Mezirow, J. Transformative learning: Theory to practice. New Directions for Adult & Continuing Education. (74). 

Mission to Learn (n.d.) retrieved November 30, 2011 http://www.missiontolearn.com/2009/05/definition-of-learning/

Taylor, P. (1993). The Texts of Paulo Freire, Buckingham: Open University Press.

Living With Intention

by Pettis Perry

Live Life With Intentionality and Change the Way You Live 

The other day I was talking  with a friend about living with intention which then prompted me to continue thinking about what it truly means to live with intention. For the purposes of this discussion living Life with intention means living with determination to act in a particular way. The choice is ours to decide whether we will use our intentions to shape Life to be meaningful or marginal. 
 
The nice thing about living with positive intentions is that we get to choose what is meaningful for us in whatever way we intend to live. Whether or not we live with intentionality the fact remains that it is through our individual moment-to-moment acts that we ultimately determine whether our dreams as children match our destinies at the end of Life (Pettis Principle #26). Assuming a Life lived with positive intentions means that there really aren't any right or wrong choices to make about how to live: There is only making choices. So, why not live Life as an unabashed adventure by having fun living with positive intentions? Moreover, if along the way we feel that we have embarked on a wrong path we can change directions because we are in control of our lives. (Learning to be patient, persistent, and how to forgive myself  were very important lessons for me to learn on my journey.)

(2011) Pt. Richmond, CA Tunnel

Generally speaking, living with intention is neutral and therefore neither good or bad. As a result, we can just as easily live a negative Life with intention as we can a positive one. What is certain is that whatever it is upon which we spend our energy will manifest in our lives. If our view of the world is that the glass is always 1/2 empty then we will view Life through a lens of scarcity and unhappiness and therefore manifest those things in our lives. Beauty and abundance exist all around us and yet we create a world of  more scarcity by holding a negative world-view which produces negative intentions, actions, and pure dread.

However, by simply changing the frame of reference with which we view the world we can alter our frames of reference from scarcity to abundance and unhappiness to happiness. It can also work the other way around when we are generally positive and begin holding negative intentions. In either case, we produce what we are looking for in Life just as easily as we walk and drive our cars where we are looking. Therefore, it is important to select positive frames of reference that will produce positive intentionality which then, in turn, produces positive outcomes. 

Copyright Butterfly Pictures

How does intentionality work? Living with intention leads to actions that over time transform our lives. For example, living with intention to be a great parent, to find happiness, or to do something else magnificent requires commitment, focus and attention, and energy which then are transferred into the specific intentions we hold and result in the outcomes we produce through our actions. By holding the intentions we begin to place ourselves in positions where we attract the things we need in order for us to manifest what we intended. Precisely because we are looking for something we find it--it is that simple--all we have to do is to believe it.

Many years ago I was in Barstow, California looking at an old one room schoolhouse blackboard and saw the words, "If your mind can conceive it, and your heart can believe it, then you can achieve it." Obviously, I have never forgotten these words, and I live by these words, which illustrates beautifully the point about living with intentionality. My conviction to this positive intention has enabled me to find success as an executive leader where others found nothing but failure and to find the greatest joys with the Life I'm creating for myself.

(2011) Ferry Point Tunnel Pt. Richmond, CA

Logically, if I want to become an auto mechanic, teacher, soldier, doctor, or executive I have to spend time learning my trade and craft. The more time and energy I put into mastering my craft the greater the payoff in terms of the opportunities that will manifest. (In his best selling book Outliers Malcolm Gladwell discussed the 10,000 hour rule that he calculated is required for anyone to master their craft.)  The same is true for anything I create in my Life. I just have to exercise my brain knowing that I either have or can learn the skills to accomplish my Life mission by living with intention. In my own case, I had to develop the long-view of Life at a time when I was a fatalist believing that I was not going to live beyond a certain age--and low-and-behold--I surprised myself.

Over the course of my lifetime (now spanning six decades) what I've learned about living with intention can be summarized in the following basic principles: 

1. The path is one of striving towards perfection and not one of perfection.

My journey is teaching me about Life through the variety of experiences over the course of the lifetime. In the process my imperfections are illuminated on a regular basis enabling me to learn how to perfect various parts of myself. For example, one of my interests is to study Gung Fu. Gung Fu means perfection through practice and hard work over time. This avenue of study enabled me to not only lose weight, improve my overall conditioning, and to teach my body how to move in ways that were previously foreign to me, but it has developed additional self-confidence and reduced stress. Gung Fu also tests my patience and persistence.

(2011) Natatorium Pt. Richmond, CA

2. There is no daily stuff with Life that gets in the way. Only Life itself teaching us how to live (Pettis Principle #24).  

No matter how perfect we want things to be in our lives there are always things that seem to interfere with what we are trying to do throwing us off our game. There are also lots of pressures for us to remain who we are because it is comfortable for everyone around us to keep their images of us as we are.  In addition, as we are practicing holding intentions to behave differently we find ourselves reverting to old and less desirable behaviors. Those behaviors were developed over many years of conditioning and have become well-embedded in who we have Become. To change those behaviors is going to take time and consistent effort. Even then, under the right conditions those behaviors may continue to emerge albeit (and most importantly) much less frequently over time.

3. Be patient with yourself. 

Copyright Butterfly Pictures

Be kind to yourself by giving yourself time to transform into the new you. You are talking about morphing into something anew which requires shedding the old. The serpent cannot show you its new skin without shedding the old which takes considerable time and effort to complete the transformation. The butterfly does not exist unless it ceases as the caterpillar. Change can happen quickly. Transformation occurs over the course of a lifetime.

4. Forgive yourself for being human--mistakes are going to be made along the journey.

When you fall off the Intention Wagon forgive yourself. It often takes multiple attempts to get it right so allow yourself to make mistakes, knowing that through the mistakes come the lessons for improvement.

5. Be aware that you are changing with intention while others may not be. 

As a result we might find ourselves in a different place while others around us remain where they are. This is the hard part of transformation with intention. It will produce frustration because the pull is to return us to the old way of Being when our individual effort is to create a new way of Being. When we change, the world changes in how it reflects back to us what "it sees." Oftentimes, others like what we were rather than what we are Becoming because it means that they too must change. Be mindful that some people who are there at the beginning may not be there at the end.

(2011) Ferry Point Tunnel Pt. Richmond, CA

 

6. Love yourself.

Unfortunately, many of us do not learn how to love ourselves. I am not speaking about narcissism which is classified as a mental disorder but rather a healthy love for Self as a living, breathing, creative, wonderful Being. Individually, learning to love ourselves as we are is crucial to liberating ourselves from the control exerted by others (with intention or not) and to enable us to develop healthy self-concepts. Loving ourselves for who we are and what we are trying to accomplish with intention in our lives provides the strength for us to overcome obstacles and to feel good about what we are doing regardless of what others think.

7. Life is a process of always Becoming. (Pettis Principle #21.)

As long as we are alive we are in the process of Becoming who we are. Even if we do nothing we are changing because our cells are reproducing and dying, although the rate at which this happens slows as we age. Living with intention means actively engaging Life as we find it and transforming what we find into meaningful Life experiences.

Things aren't always what they seem. Sometimes what appears to be a problem provides wonderful learning opportunities for us to grow. Embracing what comes our way as we live with increased intention enables us to see things with new eyes giving us the chance to say yes when before we might have said no.

(2011) Ferry Point Tunnel Pt. Richmond, CA 

 Living with intention transforms a mundane Life into an exciting one because we are not sitting and waiting for Life to simply happen. Instead, we are manifesting precisely what we want and thereby creating for ourselves the meaning we always wanted but did not know how to create.

Live boldly and without fear. Live with intention. Live to create a meaningful Life.

Reference

http://www.butterflypictures.net/1-butterfly-pictures.html

 

Fulfilling Your Dreams

by Pettis Perry


Dreams

Dreams have always been very important to me as a release for my vivid imagination. As a child they gave me the ability to fantasize about traveling to other planets and other galaxies, fighting as a warrior championing great causes to bring peace to my people, and finding the one true love that I was destined to marry. They also gave me the opportunity to escape the racism and all of its manifestations for children like me growing up during the 1950s and '60s including the associated political struggles, civil unrest, and large scale violence of the times. 

While I wanted nothing more than to simply be a child, to laugh, play, and be accepted by my community, my Life path would carry me in another direction. Now, reflecting back upon my circumstances as a child I understand why my path emerged as it did. Had my life evolved differently then I too would be a different person than I am today, and possibly this blog might have never been written. 

My dreams have also given me hope in times of deep despair. In my darkest moments my dreams brought light to illuminate my circumstance. When there was no one else, my dreams kept me company (and still do). While my life has not turned out quite like I had dreamed about and imagined as a child looking forward at the kind of life I wanted for myself, my Life has been incredibly wonderful nonetheless. 

Nightmares Are Still Dreams 

As I contemplate the most impactful of my challenges there are a couple of lessons that produced exponential growth. The unexpected death of my father radically changed my world. I was 15 when he passed away. At 15 1/2 I found myself having to pack our entire household as we headed to northern California. My older brother was already in northern California and my younger brother was out of the country. My mother became ill and I was alone to pack up all of our belongings to move somewhere I did not want to go. I was alone, heartbroken, and left to become a man at 15 1/2 years of age. Reflecting back on that time some 45 years later still evokes many of the feelings I had as a child leaving the place I still call home.

So much of me was ripped from my being. So much of me was invested in living in Altadena--my home. So much of me still remains in Altadena. Yet, even though my attachment to Altadena remains to this day, starting anew in northern California was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. I was headed down a dangerous path leading to prison or a pine box. My anger towards the racism I experienced, and more importantly the loss of my father, fueled  a raging fire in my soul. I cared about nothing, I hated everyone, and I was losing my Self. I even came to blame my mother for everything that was wrong in my life because of my inner turmoil. 

It wasn't until 8 or 9 years later while taking a Transactional Analysis class at San Francisco State that something clicked in my head; and it resonated so deeply in my heart that it became the threshold for entering a new way of living. The moment was so significant that it allowed me to see my world differently and to begin a life of intentionality--a life of living fully and completely as a human being.

Manifesting Dreams

As a result of my childhood experiences and the experiences I've since had, I understand with crystal clarity why my parents did what they did and why the path I have journeyed was so important to take. You see, it was in one of my darkest moments that my path was revealed to me by the Universe. In my darkest moment, I confirmed to my Self that in spite of the horrific trials I found my Self in, that I was precisely where I needed to be in order to take the next small step in my own growth making it possible for me take a great leap for mankind! Little did I know at the time that my Life course was leading me to a lifetime of service to humanity. But, there was so much inner work yet to be completed before I could fully manifest my own potential and fulfill my dreams. One important lesson I have since learned is that my inner work is a lifelong project and therefore shall never be completed--making Life a process of always Becoming.

It was in this darkest moment, which appeared to me as a nightmare, that my true path was revealed to show me that my childhood dreams were actually coming true. I finally understood that as a boy I was angry and the world appeared to be doing everything it could to keep me from attaining my goals let alone my emerging sense of purpose. I came to understand that during my period of transitioning from boy to man I learned to channel my anger into fuel for positive change. I understood that for many years I struggled with having to accept the fact that I could not change life circumstances and that I would have to play the hand of cards I was dealt by my Life circumstances. This became a very liberating time for me because I understood that my life path was causing me to  fully own my life from that moment forward and to have the greatest compassion for the plight of others. It was clear to me that but for the grace of God go I. I understood with crystal clarity that my life could always be worse. All I had to do was look around me and I could see what my life could become.

To illustrate this point, one day I was coming home from work and I was feeling sorry for myself. As I made the turn to enter the freeway ramp I noticed a motorist who was stuck on the ramp trying to fix something with his car. After entering the freeway and driving for a few miles I saw another motorist being ticketed by the police for some infraction. And, about 10 minutes later farther up the freeway a third motorist was on the side of the road under his hood. The only thing I could do was to start laughing aloud at myself and saying out loud, Okay I get it! Stop feeling sorry for yourself because life could always be worse!

As an executive leader, consultant, and now teacher my ability to dream, fantasize, and visualize produces crystal clear images that my analytical mind can then render into prototypical systems that transcend standard performance. In other words, my ability to function as a highly successful professional has been facilitated by my ability to dream, visualize, and then convert the visions into something tangible. 

In order to do this successfully over long periods of time in business (or any other type of organization or group) or any Life process requires not only planning the strategic intent but having the capacity to allow the inner child we all have within us to come out and play because it is through play that we are free to think and perform freely as we did as children without concern for what others think.

Keeping Dreams Alive

Dreams are powerful gifts that allow us to choose a direction and course of action for our lives. They give us a sense of hope and possibility. They allow us to fantasize and transcend the human form by giving us the capacity to explore domains that are well outside of the physical body.

Dreaming and then choosing a direction is far better than allowing the winds of change to guide your life. By choosing a direction you are in control. Allowing the winds of change to determine your direction places you at the mercy of the winds.

As with any journey, it is important to remember that sometimes the winds of change will become so strong that they cause us to move off course and to find another route to our destination. The change causes us to see and experience new aspects of life that were unplanned and at the same time, while causing ambiguity, enrich our lives by producing new challenges to overcome. By overcoming these challenges we gain strength and confidence to engage the world more fully.

The best advice I can offer is to say NEVER give up on your dreams because sometimes they are all you have. Stay true to your dreams and you will be amazed at what happens as a result of dreaming throughout the lifetime. Remember too, allowing others to dictate your dreams will cause you to find that you are living someone else's nightmare. 

As my mom used to remind me, keep your head in the clouds with your feet firmly planted on the ground--sage advice I've come to know as truth; and embrace your dreams rather than dismissing them as some childhood folly. Consequently, someday you might find yourself awaking from a nightmare, as I did, realizing that your dreams have indeed been manifesting through the entire journey. More importantly, it is through your dreams that you produce a wonderful and meaningful Life. With that singular purpose in mind I say,  Dream on!

A Life of Thanksgiving

 by Pettis Perry

Thanksgiving is Life Giving

According to History.com "in 1621, the Plymouth colonists and Wampanoag Indians shared an autumn harvest feast that is acknowledged today as one of the first Thanksgiving celebrations in the colonies. For more than two centuries, days of thanksgiving were celebrated by individual colonies and states. It wasn't until 1863, in the midst of the Civil War, that President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national Thanksgiving Day to be held each November."

Whether you believe this day is a day of celebration or a day of mourning it has come to symbolize family get-togethers, kindness to others who are less fortunate than we are, and giving thanks for what we have. If nothing else it has come to represent abundance through the amount of food that is prepared and consumed. In fact, in the perponderance of dinners I've attended there's generally so much food left over that everyone who attended the feast is also able to take leftovers home to be consumed the next day.

When I think about Thanksgiving I am reminded of the feasts my mom used to prepare, the contributions my parents made to who I am today, how my son Matthew changed my life when he was born and how wonderful our father-son relationship has been throughout his lifetime, my relationships with my family members and friends, and for the evolution of my deepest spiritual Self connecting me to all things in the Universe. 

My life has been filled with abundance even during times of substantial material scarcity. What I have learned through reflection about this phenomenon, is that my dark nights of the soul have illuminated my life in immeasurable ways once I understood their roles in causing my greatest periods of growth. As I've emerged from my dark nights I've learned that my happiness comes from within and as long as I am true to my Life path the abundance in my life will continue unabated. On a daily basis, I give thanks for how I've grown into the kind of adult who me as a child would be proud to grow up to become. 

This is not some narcissistic statement of self-aggrandizement but rather a recognition of the many blessings that have come my way over the length and breadth of  my life experience. I am thankful that whenever I begin to feel sorry for myself I am reminded by Life's circumstances that But, for the grace of God, there go I. It can always get worse! Therefore, my thanks are unending and my faith is unwavering.

Through my own process of reflection, what I have come to know is that I have no other choice but to live as I do. Like all people, it is through the Life path journey that we become illuminated in the secrets of the Universe which from my perspective is the reason we as mortals exist. So, as I contemplate my own life it has certainly been a Life of  giving thanks for all of the many gifts I receive on a daily basis.

To all of you who have impacted my life in one way or another, thank you for being my teachers. Each of you has taught me something about myself and about life. Whether you have harmed me or helped me what you all have in common is that you have taught me to live a life of thanksgiving. So, on this very special day of the year, thank you for coming into my life and helping to shape me into the person that I as a child could be proud of Becoming. 

(2011) Lake Nacimiento, CA

 Thank You!

Reference

http://www.history.com/topics/thanksgiving

Destiny By Design

 by Pettis Perry

Living Life On Purpose

Do you live your life by accident or on purpose? I choose living life on purpose and with intention because it is so rewarding to live this way. Why waste a moment of time doing nothing when doing something brings so much richness to the life experience? Even when I choose to do nothing I am doing nothing with intention. I use the nothing time to charge my batteries, to relax my mind in order to allow my creative processes to work unmolested by distracting thoughts, or to enjoy the beauty of the moment. What I try to minimize is procrastination, because procrastination is the enemy of long term success; and I relish long term success.

(2011) Cabo San Lucas

One of my basic beliefs is that our destiny is the sum total of all life experiences. As such, to a great extent I get to control the outcome of my destiny by the choices I make throughout my lifetime. I may not be able to select the terminal point when my life will end (unless I commit suicide), but I can certainly influence the direction my life takes and therefore my likely destiny. Obviously, what makes life exciting is that there are random events occurring through nature's influences that, in turn, also influence my life experiences. I cannot account for all of these influences but I can try to make myself flexible and agile when it comes to responding to life events: Learning to roll with the punches so to speak.

To live Life on purpose means approaching life with courage by making choices and living with the consequences of those choices. It means leaving your past behind, focusing on the present moment, and looking to the future for inspiration because each new opportunity presents itself as a doorway to open and walk through. Applying these ideas to my own life means that my job is to construct my life with intention by figuring out what it is I want out of my life and what I want to do with my life.  As part of this exploration there are two fundamental questions. The first is, "Which direction do I want to set for my life course?" The second is, "What strategy will I deploy to get from Point A where I am now to Point B where I want to go?"

(2011) Cabo San Lucas Arch

Like most things in life there is both an art and a science to choosing a course of action. The art of choosing a course of action is by first understanding which things I control and which things I cannot control. For example, I can make sure that I am fully prepared for a job opportunity but I cannot determine whether the hiring decision will favor me or not. By focusing on my own preparation and development I increase my value as opportunities arise. In my own case having careers as a senior executive, consultant/trainer, and now  teacher significantly increases my capacity as a skilled professional in any of those same career areas. In a highly competitive environment my breadth of expertise expands the number of opportunities available to me.  

The science is in my specific preparation to be able to take advantage of opportunities as they present themselves. By knowing which course my life will take enables me to create a strategy to train myself  in order to master my craft. Mastering my craft enables me to go a step farther by applying to my life making activities what I know about leadership and what I have practiced while leading organizations. What I have come to know unequivocally, through study and practice, is that monumental changes are possible by taking decisive action based upon good data and solid decision-making practices. My training goal then becomes learning how to find the data I need and then using it to inform decision practices.

A wonderful consequence of my ability to take control of my life means that I have the ability to change my life in whatever ways I like. This does not mean that the entire change will occur in an instant, but it most certainly means that complete transformation can occur with enough directed effort over time. In this case, patience is a virtue. 

In thinking about the kind of advice I would offer my son I've captured 7 jewels from my own life experiences that are helping me create my destiny by design. In passing these jewels onto my son they are offered here to you as though you are one of my family members--which in effect you are.

Tips For Creating Your Destiny By Design

 1. Own the problem. In this case, own your own life. Commit to taking charge of your life and making your own decisions. If you are a minor then work with your parent(s) to make decisions about what you want to do with your life. In the end though, the decision has to be yours because you have to walk your path alone even when in the company of others.

2. Prepare yourself for the life you want. The younger you are the more lead time you have to create your future. The older you are the greater number of life experiences you have which in-and-of-itself is a strength. Do your homework by starting to learn about the types of things you want to do with your life in terms of career, family, self-development, etc. For example, if you are undecided about a career then contact the career center at your local community college and ask them how you can have a career assessment performed.

 3. Be willing to take small steps and to exercise patience, but keep the forward movement. If you find yourself waiting long periods of time while trying to select the right degree or training program to enter then take a course in the meantime at a community college or apprentice through one of your local unions. If you are having trouble getting started, whatever you do take a deep breath,trust your heart to pick your direction, and begin taking steps towards where you want to go. Travel with confidence knowing that what is uncertain today about tomorrow, will be revealed when the appropriate time comes.

4. Be kind to yourself. Failure will occur and you have to forgive yourself. We learn more from our failures then we do from our successes. As mom used to say "There is always a silver lining in every cloud." Listen to mom, find the silver lining no matter how bad things appear to be.

(2011) Land's End, Cabo San Lucas

5. Evaluate yourself and your circumstances honestly. Be true to yourself. Be open to feedback.

6. Believe in yourself. What you do not know you can learn. Others may try to convince you that you are on the wrong path so believe in yourself and believe in your path.

7. Follow your heart but have the courage to act. Your heart knows the answer even when your mind doesn't. Your body is like an antenna and your heart is like a receiver analyzing the electromagnetic signals it encounters. Your intuition feeds your heart and confirms what the heart-mind knows as truth.

No matter how hard we try to take the right path we sometimes find ourselves at land's end with hard choices to make: The proverbial fork in the road accompanied by times of uncertainty.It is at this time when your faith will be tested most stringently. Do you have the courage to take a leap of faith with the knowing you will be okay when you land? In my case, when my time came I refused to forsake my faith. It proved to be the right choice for me. You will have to decide for yourself when your time comes whether you truly have faith. Of this I am certain--be open to what comes and you will be surprised at what manifests as a result--it is part of the design.

What advice do you have for others? What strategies seem to work for you?